our birth story.

.the natural birth of our twins.

I had high hopes of a home birth when we found out we were pregnant (Brady would maybe feel different about this) :)

When we found out we were having twins, we knew that this pregnancy and birth would be a little bit different. I was immediately labeled "high risk" and there were more things to consider: more appointments, more ultrasounds, more protein, higher chance of preterm labor, higher chances of early delivery ,and other twin specific "risks". And my plans for a home birth were thrown out the window. Not to mention that we were moving 1300 miles away from all our friends and family when I was nearly 30 weeks along. 

There was a lot to overwhelm us--- but somehow we managed so much peace during this time. As we moved to Vermont, I was so happy to see an environment where birth was a natural and positive experience. Midwives and OBs working alongside each other, and so many doulas--which some even offered to help us for free. 

Our provider was Maitri Healthcare for Women, (www.maitriobgyn.com) and I loved my experience with them. I met all the OB's and midwives, so when we went into labor, we would know whoever it was who would attend (instead of having a random "on-call" Ob). With mono/di twins (one placenta, 2 separate sacks) there is a higher risk the longer you go past 37 weeks. At first they wanted to induce me at 37 weeks, which was very disappointing--- This was one thing that I wanted to fight for. I did not want to be induced. I knew that inductions had a higher chance of leading to more interventions. (Please watch "Business of Being Born"!!) 

I had been fighting to keep these boys in for as long as I can, and had been at 3 cm dilated, and 80% effaced for weeks! I knew things were progressing, albeit slowly, but I wanted to listen to my body and wait until my boys were ready. 

I had been having contractions irregularly for weeks, but nothing consistent or too strong. All I wanted was for my body to be able to go into labor naturally, without any medical help. But at the same time, I didn't want to be so stubborn that I would put any more risk on these boys. I talked with my midwife and she was up for letting me go to 38 weeks trying some natural labor-inducing strategies. So here we were-- ready to meet our boys! But they were cozy and comfortable inside. :)

Brady and I went hiking, walked for hours, drank special herbal tea, scrubbed all our floors on my hands and knees (and yes, my belly was dragging the ground) did accupressure and even drank castor oil (bad idea). Still no signs of hard labor. On Monday August the 20th, I went in for my doctor appointment, and I was 5 cm dilated, 90% effaced. My OB and my midwife both suggested induction by Thursday the 23rd. I decided that I needed a mindset change, and began thinking positively. I told myself, even if I have to get pitocin, I will have a natural birth.

A few days later, and another round of hiking, walking, scrubbing, and bouncing on my birthing ball, still no active labor and we went to sleep on Wednesday anxious for what the next day would bring. 

We walked in to the hospital on Thursday, August 23rd thinking that we were going to be induced with pitocin. I was trying to be positive about it, and met my doula Rachel in the lobby of the hospital. As soon as she was with us, I relaxed even more. Rachel just exudes warmth, peace, and encouragement. She was amazing at keeping me positive and focused.

Rachel and I

I checked in, and settled into our L& D room. One of my preferences was to stay in my own clothes, which seems like a small thing, but I really loved. My midwife, Kristin, came and checked in-- did a quick ultrasound to make sure both boys were head down, and then we discussed induction. She asked if I wanted to try AROM (artificial rupture of membranes) first. She said that it could kick start active labor by allowing Baby A to place more pressure on my cervix ( I was already at 5 cm, and 90% effaced.. contracting, but not strongly). I agreed quickly-- (anything but pitocin!) and at 12:30pm she broke Sam's (or twin A at the time) water (the boys each had their own sack). Kristin knew what I had visualized for birth, and to my surprise, allowed me to go off continuous fetal monitoring until later on in labor. This usually did not happen. I was prepared to be strapped up to machines for all of labor. Now I could get up and move around, walk around, get in the tub, etc-- As long as they could get both twins back on the monitor every 15 minutes and that they were still doing ok. I can NOT tell you how amazing this news was to me. I. WAS. FREE. This was just the push I needed. I knew that I could do this, and was feeling more empowered than ever. 

So Kristin broke my water, and now all we could do was wait for labor to start. Rachel massaged my feet and did some accupressure points that are helpful in starting labor, and Brady had brought our iPod with my "labor mix" on it-- (I can burn you a CD sometime? :)...)  I was able to order a little food from the hospital to provide some energy ( I was grateful for this, a lot of doctors forbid eating during labor). 

I started bouncing on the birthing ball & trying to remain focused and prepare mentally for what was about to come. I had been having contractions for about a week, but they weren't that intense yet, I could always talk and walk through them. I was wondering if I would be able to really tell if I was in active labor. 

It was gradual, but contractions started getting a bit more intense. Rachel encouraged me to keep walking and Brady and I walked the halls of the Labor and Delivery floor a few times. 

I had started with a pretty good pace, but then I started slowing down. I had to pause & breathe through contractions. Around 2:30pm, back in the room, I felt that they were becoming a bit stronger, and was hoping that I was finally in active labor. 

This is where things get a bit fuzzy for me. I know that sounds weird, but I was just in another place mentally and time seemed to not exist at all. It was all about moving through one contraction at a time, no more, no less. I took them as they came, and was just fully in the moment. 

My doula and Brady were amazing supports, and got me to keep moving-- walking, bouncing, etc. I had to close my eyes as each contraction would rise, and focus on my breathing. Brady and Rachel took turns giving me counter-pressure on my lower back, since I was having some "back labor" (Twin A, Sam, was Posterior-- or facing up-- his back on my back). I wanted to visualize each contraction as a "rush" or a wave of intensity, and I focused on letting go, trusting my body. Knowing that these was a good pain, it was a temporary pain, and that ultimately this pain would bring my two boys into this world. 

And by 4:15 I was starting to feel shaky and Rachel asked if I wanted to get into the tub. The water was amazing. So relaxing.  After about an hour in the water, my nurse came in and checked my temp and the babes' heart rates, and she found them both a bit high. This meant tub time was over, and they recommended me going on IV fluids due to my temp. It was about 5:40 at this time. 

Contractions were getting more intense. I stayed on the birthing ball, holding my mom's hand as Brady pressed my hips and Rachel gave me ice chips (and taking photos!). All I could do was to focus on every sensation my body was feeling and stay focused and engaged. As I felt one coming, I would say, "here it comes" and close my eyes and reach for my mom's hand. At this point, not only would I breathe, but I started  moaning lowly as the intensity increased. 

It wasn't too long before the contractions really started coming really close together. It was hard not having time to relax before the next contraction was starting. At the time I was thinking, wow, it feels like they are getting a lot closer, one right on top of the other... I'm not getting any breaks. The sensations were so intense it is really hard to describe. 

They needed to get the boys back on the monitor, so I laid on my side on the hospital bed (the first time I was actually in the bed!). As they saw that both boys were doing well, I felt the sudden need to push. I remember thinking-- This is too early, too soon--I haven't even made it to "transition" yet.  this must be the "false sense of pushing". I had stayed pretty calm and focused until this point... but now I could feel adrenaline coursing through me. My doula, Rachel, helped me do some light quick breathing through the contractions so I wouldn't push until my midwife came in. 

At 6:45 Kristin came back into the room, she checked me, and sure enough, I was "complete" and ready to push. I was pretty shocked, since I had just been in active labor for 4-5 hours. 

It is standard procedure during a twin birth to move into the Operating Room for the actual delivery. This is just in case and emergency C-section is needed, especially in delivering the second twin if he is in distress. 

As these were my first babies, my midwife allowed me to stay and push awhile in the Labor room. I didn't realize how great this would be, until I experienced pushing in the OR. 

Back in the Labor room, it was just me, Brady, my doula, my mother, and my midwife supporting me. As I was wheeled into the OR, I was surrounded by nearly 20 people: doctors, residents, students, 2 NICU teams (one for each baby), as well as nurses and my midwife. 

I did have my OB present, just in case of a C-section, but my midwife was able to provide all the care. 

Only Brady and my doula, Rachel, were able to stay with me at this point. My mom anxiously waited outside. She was able to come in right after. 

Pushing was very different than I expected. I thought it would feel more involuntary or "this overwhelming feeling" like I first experienced. After that first feeling of wanting to push, labor seemed to slow down. It was very controlled, and it was pretty much my decision on when to push and when to rest. I'm sure this part is different for every mom. 

I pushed about 3 times every 15 minutes or so. There really wasn't any pain for me at this stage. Just a lot of work. It was pretty difficult to put all of my effort and strength into pushing... I wasn't experiencing contractions like I was before. In some way, for me, it seemed less natural than early labor. Maybe it was that I was lying on my back in a brightly lit operating room surrounded by strangers. Whereas in early labor, it was just my husband, my mother, and my doula in a very calm, peaceful atmosphere with Bon Iver playing in the background :). 

I could feel myself being a little less relaxed. Nevertheless, I focused on Brady who was right by me, holding my hand and encouraging me through each cycle of pushing. 

As I had been pushing for about an hour or so, Baby A (Sam) 's heart rate would fall after each contraction. I don't remember being anxious at the time, but my midwife just rolled me on my left side (so the babies get more oxygen) and right after I would push, a nurse would give me oxygen and I would gulp that down visualizing it going right to my babies.

I remember asking my OB, how many pushes does she think it would take for Baby A to be born. At the time of asking, I was sure she was going to say 3-4 (my little naive mind) but she said, "Oh, maybe 12 or so." I just needed to visualize. I needed a goal. And sure enough. 11 pushes later, Baby A was born. We were waiting to name them after we met both of them so we didn't know at the time that it was Sam who was born first. My midwife tried to put him on my chest with the cord intact, but unforuntately, his cord was too short. So Brady ended up cutting the cord a few minutes sooner than I originally hoped. But I could care less at the time-- I wanted to hold my baby! They placed Sam on my chest, but he seemed a little weakened, and so they gentley reccomened getting him some oxygen and to get checked out a bit. At this point, I was still focused on having BOTH of my babies out healthy, and was a bit worried about Baby B flipping breach and having an emergency C-section. So I handed Sam off to the Peds team, and sent Brady to stay with him. I was so blessed to have the continued support of Rachel there. As Brady would hold my hand and support me through each cycle of pushing, Rachel was there the whole time, with encouging and gentle words as she smoothed my hair back and gave me ice chips in between pushes.. and she even managed to snap some photos! (She is pretty incredible). As Brady left to be with Sam, Rachel took his place, and even was able to take a few photos of Sam and brought it back and showed me that he was doing fine. 

Baby A: Sam

Sam being placed on my chest

I anxiously asked my midwife-- Is he head down?? She looked at me reassuringly, and said Yes, he is on his way. Perfect. I immediately relaxed and got ready to meet my other son. 

Henry was in a hurry. He was born only after a few more pushes. (His brother cleared the way, apparently). However, he was born very quickly and with his arm extended up over his head. This was the most pain I had felt the entire time, although it only lasted a few seconds. This was the only time I tore, and unforunately it was a second degree tear (ouch). But I was overjoyed as I heard Henry's strong cry and they laid him on my chest. Brady made it back over just as he was born, cutting his cord so they could place him on me. As soon as he was on my chest, I'll never forget how he became so quiet and looked at me (or towards me!) as I spoke to him. He was so awake and alert, and I loved him so deeply immediately. Tears were streaming down my face. It was about 2 hours of pushing. 

I was able to cuddle and talk with him as we spent these first precious moments together. Little did I know that I was being sewn up, and also had quite a bit of bleeding. I was euphoric. Words cannot describe the feeling. It was light, it was heavy, it was deeply spiritual.
I got updates on Sam. They were taking him down to NICU to monitor his temperature, but that he looked great and it was just as a precaution. My heart was with him. 

It was so surreal. Our boys were finally with us! Sam was 6 pounds 1 oz, and Henry was 6 pounds 8 oz. Nearly 13 pounds of baby in there! 

They wheeled me back to my labor room as I got to breastfeed Henry for the first time. Henry was a natural at the breast, and latched on like a pro. 

My heart was so full, yet also torn that Sam was apart from me I couldn't hold him and snuggle him next to his brother. And that I would have to wait to breastfeed him. The emotions that run through you during this time is just crazy.

Sam did join us two days later. Brady got to spend a lot of time bonding and doing "kangaroo care" ( skin to skin) with him. And I was able to pump breastmilk for him and even nurse him a few times ( he got a late start, but was a champ!). It was only a few days before he was nursing right alongside his brother.

So that's all for the "birth story".... now, the recovery was a different story (and one I think that needs to be shared more.. it is TOUGH. I almost thought it was tougher than labor... I'm not kidding.)

To me, I had an amazing birth experience. I know others have had very different and more traumatic experiences. I am deeply, deeply grateful for mine. I am thankful for the support and love I have from so many people, I know that I would not have had such a wonderful experience without people who listened to me, heard me, and trusted in me.

Thank you to Kristin Werner of Maitri, and Rachel Stanton of Mother Rising.

Thank you to my mother who has taught me how to be a mother.
Thank you to my best friend, my soulmate, my love- Brady. 

the shared placenta: gave life to our boys for 9 months. it was a beautiful thing. 

Rachel, our doula, with Henry

Our midwife, Kristin, with Henry

our sweet boys: Henry and Sam

birthday

today... is my birthday.

[ i'm secretly hoping it's my boys birthday too? ]

come on boys! your mama and papa are ready to meet you!

Brady and I went hiking today, and he also made me a lovely birthday cake.

it was a lovely day.

I wanted Brady to take a photo of the trail that we were on. So steep. So proud.  

Oh, and last week the doulas (http://motherrising.org) came over and did a belly cast. It was so much fun. And helped me see that my huge stretching and lopsided belly was indeed beautiful. 

Sarah and Rachel of Mothers Rising

Brady removing the cast. I'll just have to convince him that we can hang it on the wall... 

34 week milestone!!!

We made it to 34 weeks! This is apparently huge for the boys' development... They are no longer considered just "preterm", now they are considered "late preterm"--- which lowers the risk of some complications associated with preterm.

We are feeling good! and can't believe we will be meeting our sons so soon! :) We have narrowed down our name choices, but will wait until we meet them to officially name them.....

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers for us!

Here is a photo for you! (caution: bare belly!!!)

.... eventful Tuesday

I went in for my regularly scheduled OB appointment this afternoon, and at first found out some great news:

Baby A weighs a whopping 5 lbs! 

Baby B is not far behind at 4.3 lbs.

They are doing wonderful for weight, and movement/heartbeat/position looked great (both head down)

then I heard some not so exciting news: 

They wanted to send me to Labor and Delivery at the hospital to be monitored. Since last week, I had progressed from 1.5 cm to 2.5 cm in dilation, and from 50% to 80% effacement.. and was experiencing somewhat regular contractions (although, for me, they seemed like fairly normal Braxton Hicks)-- they weren't painful, but they were happening every 4-8 minutes or so. 

So I get in my car, call Brady to tell him I'm headed to the hospital (he was working in Milton) and drive to L&D at the hospital. 

(Since we share a car, Brady really had no way to leave right away.... but ended up finding a ride an hour or so later) 

They gave me a steroid injection to help mature the boys' lungs if they are born early (before 34-36 weeks or so). And monitored babies and my contractions. My midwife was there and is pretty much amazing, so wonderful, personal, and reassuring. My nurse was wonderful as well, and my wonderful view that looked out over the Adirondack mountains wasn't so bad either. :)

So after lots of monitoring, IV's, a shot, and more monitoring, they decided that I wasn't progressing any more, and decided to let me go home (with strong "take it easy!" recommendation). 

I'll go back for another shot tomorrow, and will go back to my midwife on Friday to check on things. 

All that to say..... It was quite the eventful and surprising afternoon. But through it all, I felt really peaceful. I wasn't stressed or worried, and I told myself- either way, we are going to be ok. The great staff there, and the lovely view of the mountains probably helped that feeling as well...

As Brady and I left the hospital, we talked about how we do need to prepare for perhaps an early arrival of the twins--- My midwife says: let's shoot for August 7th. 

We talked about preparing mentally/emotionally but also physically and practically. I feel like there is so much left to do--- baby clothes to wash, laundry to be done, meals to make and freeze, errands to run, a house to clean, etc, etc. It will be hard to take it easy, especially when I'm here all day long! 

But, we are well. And excited & nervous as we get closer and closer to meeting our baby boys. It still feels so surreal. 

thank you for friends and family for loving and praying for us during these times! It feels good to know that we are so loved and supported. 

love

Callie

ps- here is the latest belly photo: 32 weeks, 5 days :)

No offense, but we have been so glad to not be in the midwest this week!! :)

I couldn't believe the tempeatures that you all were having. It made me really appreciate the weather up here. 

It's been pretty much perfect.... lows at night in the 50's and then days getting to the mid-70's- occasionally into the mid-80's on warmer days. They do say that they get about 4-5 days of 90 degree heat, but it's pretty rare to have any after that. 

Which all that goes to say-- perfect pregnancy weather, eh??? :)

I have absolutely loved being pregnant, but it has been hard not to want to go hiking and camping and kayaking up here.... but next summer Brady and I are determined to take our boys with us in all our outdoor activities. (We may be a bit idealist?)

I am seeing my OB and/or my midwife once a week now. I have been really happy so far with the care I have received, although as we get closer and closer to meeting the boys, I have gotten a little more anxious about the labor/birth process. 

My OB today was very reassuring saying that as far as she could see, she doesn't know why I wouldn't go to at least 37-38 weeks! Which is wonderful! And means the babies would have a better chance at being healthy and avoiding the NICU. I was concerned since I was already dilated 1.5 cm and 50% effaced, but she was very reassuring that she would have been surprised if I wasn't having some of those changes--- the boys are growing and my belly is stretched further than a full term belly at this point. She didn't restrict any of my activity really-- except no power walking/hikes, no jumping/jogging. Which believe me.. Jumping and Jogging are the LAST things I would even WANT to do right now :)

Other than that, we are filling our time by enjoying all the quiet, peaceful times of just being with each other. Cooking together, sitting on the porch, playing scrabble, talking, dreaming, and planning.... It's been really nice. 

We have been visiting churches, trying to find one that we can visualize ourselves in, and our boys. It's been a bit more challenging. I really like a Presbyterian one we attended a few weeks ago, I felt immediately cared for. It may have been because everyone in the congregation was over the age of 60. :) Brady liked it as well, but also wants to be able to connect with people of different ages, and especially some that we can connect, relate and identify with. So the search goes on.... 

Here is a recent photo of part of the nursery! And another photo of me last week (so I am even BIGGER now) :) 

how did we live without water???

I must say, it is so wonderful to live next to a body of water. (and mountains too, of course) But, right now. being very pregnant, water is pretty much the best thing in the world. 

Brady and I met some friends at the beach on Friday evening, and then immediately made plans to go back the next afternoon. Yes, I even donned a lovely maternity swim suit. :)

We went to Leddy Beach on Lake Champlain-- about a 5-7 minute drive from our apartment. This is one of the quieter beaches in the Burlington area, and there aren't usually more than 20 people on a few hundred yard stretch of soft, sandy beach. 

What I love about this (and what I'm sure will be wonderful with kids!), is that the water is pretty shallow. You can wade out about an hundred yards and the amazing refreshing, perfect temperature, water will only barely come up over your knees-- disregarding the waves, of course. 

It's lovely. I ended up just sitting down in the water, and I think the boys really liked it. They were squirming around a bit. 

It was so relaxing.... it's hard not to want to go every day. 

we can't wait to bring the boys here!

settling in... ( finally a new post! )

So, we are officially Vermonters. Brady picked up our new license plates and we have been driving around no longer looking like tourists (but maybe still driving like them).

My parents drove up with us, and were incredibly helpful in our unpacking process, as well as our loading and unloading of craigslist purchases once we made it up here.. a HUGE thanks to them- we seriously couldn't have done it without them.

We were able to find most of what we needed on craigslist... and a few things were loaned to us by Ivan and Rose, our new Burlington friends who have been so wonderful and generous- and have pretty much adopted us. They are just wonderful.

It has been fun to actually get to visualize the boys room and to actually be setting up a crib, etc. It has definitely made this whole "having babies" process seem so much more real and very, very close. As we arranged our new soft rug in the living room, Brady and I can't help but visualize two little boys crawling all over it.

Brady started working in the clinic this week! He officially saw his first patient as a doctor! :) I'll let him tell you more about that.... But it has been great to see how much fun he has been having and to see him get to practice and be passionate about what he is doing. I know that this first rotation may be one of the lightest he will have overall, so I am also trying to soak up as much of this simple, quiet, rich time that we are able to have in the evenings and the weekends.

I have been feeling great still! I've been pretty relieved that I haven't had to be on any type of bedrest or have had any major complications. Although the past few weeks, I have really slowed down. My midwife told me last week that I was 50% effaced (google it if you aren't sure) :)... and recommended me to not exercise and take it easy.  It has been hard to limit myself in physical activity... especially when I want to check out all the trails, join a yoga class. and run around and explore our new city. 

I am loving the cool mornings and evenings... and we've had some days that stay around 70 degrees. This is my kind of weather!! 

We are already being stretched in lots of new ways- moving and transitioning (especially across country) has been tough financially, as well as just getting used to a new area and making new friends. But I am so confident that this will be such a good experience and adventure for us-- and teach us so much: about what is really important in life, living simply, and to really connect and deepen our marriage.

 

As far as photos.... I promise I will get some new ones downloaded!

Much love to you all!

Callie